Living Laos

1 Eng’s Books

Eng’s Books is located inside the well-known New Wave hair salon.  This is on the street that leads from Samsenthai Road to the fountain—the only road that leads towards Nam Phou.  Inside you’ll find best-sellers, mystery novels, classics, great works of philosophy, history books, books dealing specifically with SE Asia, and more.  There is truly something for everyone and the number of good titles is higher than all of the city’s used book stores combined.  These books are FOR RENT ONLY.  The cost is $2/20,000 kip with a deposit of $10/100,000 kip.

2 The Lao People’s Army History Museum

You’ve probably been to the national history museum across from the cultural hall.  It’s the most well-known of Laos’ museums and unfortunately it sucks.  The army museum is so much better that you don’t even have to go inside it to have a better experience.  As you’re walking in, you get to see a helicopter, plane, tank, and artillery pieces.  Inside (which is air-conditioned) you get to see various (mostly Soviet) military vehicles, artillery pieces, and anti-aircraft guns.  Plenty of opportunities for your very own Hanoi Jane-style photo ops.  Upstairs there are a number of exhibits dealing with conflicts ranging from the first unorganized anti-colonial resistance to the late 80s border war with Thailand.  Weapons everywhere.  Crossbows, WWI machine guns, assault rifles, flame throwers, RPGs, howitzers, and much more.  Warning: exhibits in the museum contain a, um, non-standard view of history.  If you have Lao heritage or would otherwise be offended by this, I’d suggest skipping the museum.  If you do go, I’d really suggest keeping your opinions to yourself while in the museum.

The Lao People’s Army History Museum is located on Kaysone Rd about .5km after Patuxai, making it somewhat difficult for the average visitor to find and get to.  It is across from That Luang’s enormous parking lot, so I would suggest combining this with a visit to That Luang.  After walking around in the sun all day, the air-conditioning will feel great.  The museum is only a year or two old so many locals are still unaware of it.

3 Lao Sandwiches

Take a fresh baguette, fresh vegetables, meat, cheese, and dressing and make a big delicious sandwich for under $2.  There are a number of these places concentrated on Samsenthai Road near That Dam.  I wouldn’t recommend the much cheaper Lao version which combines several kinds of mystery meat.

4 DVDs

No one in this country gives a damn about copyright and Hollywood’s loss can be your gain.  Places openly selling copyrighted CDs and DVDs are everywhere.  There’s a store near me with a great selection of newly-released English-language DVD movies for 5,000 kip (~$.60) each.  That’s to buy, not rent.  The best you’ll probably be able to do is 10-15,000.  There are also a number of specialty stores selling boxed sets ranging from TV shows to movies to porn.  I even saw a set containing the complete works of Ingmar Bergman.  I wonder how many of the 70-odd disks you’d get through before your inevitable suicide.  For those whiners I know will crop up, there is literally no place in this country to buy legitimate DVDs or CDs.

5. Mpoint Mart

This pick is sure to be controversial.  Mpoint Mart is essentially Vientiane’s version of 7-11.  Prices are about equal to what you would find in a smaller minimart and the selection is usually much better.  Most importantly, prices are CLEARY MARKED.  From restaurants to clothing shops, one of the most annoying things about being a foreigner is that listed prices are frequently absent.  This is not a problem with something like Beerlao where I know how much it should cost, but does any foreigner know the typical price for a bottle of soy sauce?  Is the 12,000 kip I just paid the regular price or am I being ripped off because I’m white?  90% of Lao shops are honest, but the other 10% ruin it for everyone.

I’ll start by saying that there’s nothing inherently wrong with Beerlao t-shirts. I’ll even go so far as to say that Beerlao t-shirts are pretty cool when worn in your home country. A Beerlao t-shirt in, say, Denmark is a good conversation starter, marks you as travelled, and just looks neat. I won’t argue with this.

There are generally two kinds of people who wear clothes with place
names on them: middle-class people who want to subtly brag about a
recent vacation, and poor people who have to shop at thrift stores
because they can’t afford new clothes. When confronted with a place
name on an article of clothing, people with any sort of taste
invariably feel a deep revulsion usually reserved for child molesters.
I’m not trying to pass judgment, but people who buy these things are
inferior human beings.

It’s the soulless, emotionally dead suburban middle class who fuels
the market for these horrors. Look at me! I’ve been to San Diego!
New York City. Raleigh, North Carolina. Paris, France.

“Hey Bill, did you get that in Martha’s Vineyard?”
“Sure did. Sheryl and I drove down with the kids last summer.”
“Must’ve been quite a trip.”
“Certainly was.”

But the young, open-minded , and above all, highly individual tourists
travelers who flood SE Asia certainly have nothing in common with
these folks.

Consider this fact: at any time, over 50% of the white people in Vientiane are wearing Beerlao shirts.* Why, why, why do you do this? Are they so alluring that you can’t wait until the three days it takes you to “explore Laos” are finished to put them on? Does your infallible Lonely Planet state that foreigners caught without Beerlao t-shirts are sent to work on collectivized farms so that overworked buffalo can get some rest?

Most people are unaware of this, but beerlao is actually Lao for “I’m
fucking stupid. Please overcharge and hassle me.” Do you realize
how idiotic you look to Lao people? Would you wear a Washington DC
hat when actually in Washington? You fucks probably would, and would
then get mugged when trying to experience “the real Washington.”

Someone please explain this to me. I promise I won’t get mad.

*I haven’t actually counted, but this has to be close to true.

Learning to Read Lao

In order to read, you will need to know the consonants, vowels, and tone rules. The best way to learn these is by using flash cards.   Normally I would say to use index cards, but they don’t exist in Laos, so either bring your own or cut up some cardstock.  Carry your flash cards around with you and practice when you have some downtime.

The first thing you’re going to do is learn the consonants and their initial tones.  Take the first five Lao letters and write one on one side of your flash cards.  Next choose one vowel you will use with all of the consonants.  I’d suggest the long “ah,” the one that looks like a shepherd’s crook or been sprout, and write it after each of the five letters.

You should now have five flash cards, each with a different consonant followed by the same vowel. On the back of these, write the appropriate tone symbol your system uses.  Consult your book or teacher for these.  Practice with these five cards until you have memorized the consonant sounds and their inherent tones.  Keep adding an additional five until you have mastered them all.

Now it’s time to learn the vowels.  Pick one consonant and make a set of flash cards where you pair it with each vowel. Get a Lao person to help you pronounce these as faithfully as possible.  Make sure you remember which are long and which are short vowels.

Next, repeat the first step, but this time add tone markers.

There is one more step.  If a syllable ends with one of a handful of letters (check your book for this and everything else), it is called “checked” or “dead,” and its tone changes.  If it is a short syllable it changes one way, if it is a long syllable, it changes another way.  Make flash cards for each consonant that starts with the letter, has a long consonant, and ends with each of the sounds that make it “dead.”  Repeat with short vowels.

Congratulations, you can now accurately pronounce over 95% of words you’ve never seen before.  It will still be at least another few months before your brain rewires itself and you can start picking out words without sounding them out first.  This is further complicated by the lack of spaces between words.  It’s good practice to mentally sound out Lao words you see when you’re walking around or are otherwise unoccupied.  Remember to write down new words you learn.

I realize this is a confusing subject and I probably didn’t explain everything as well as I could have.  If something isn’t clear, please let me know and I’ll try to provide further details.  I’m not going to explain all of the grammar rules when these can easily be found elsewhere.  Your Lao book/website/tutor should be your main source of information

Westerners and Lao people alike usually express shock when they find out I can read and write Lao. How was a foreigner able to figure it out? I must be extraordinarily gifted to learn something so difficult. It’s actually very simple but it does require a substantial time commitment. I figured this out on my own and it worked for me, but if you know a simpler or better method let me know and I will include it here.

Note: I would not advise learning to read and write Lao for anyone coming to Laos for under one year. The reason for this is that your progress in conversational Lao will halt or dramatically slow while you are learning the letters and tone rules. Say you have John and Tim, both of whom don’t know any Lao. John learns only spoken Lao while Tim decides to learn to read and write from the beginning. After 6 months, Tim will be able to write all the Lao he knows, but John will be far more advanced and a better communicator. After a year they will be about even, and after two years Tim will be far ahead of John.

Learning to Write Lao

Learning to write the Lao language is simple but requires a great deal of repetition. Luckily it requires very little active concentration so all of these steps can be done while watching a movie, listening, to music, or any other activity that leaves your hands free, like receiving oral sex. Writing should studied simultaneously with reading.

1. Obtain a book that shows how to write Lao letters and provides outlines for you to trace, similar to what would be given to a western kindergartener. This is included in “Let’s Speak Lao,” but I’m not sure about other books. Make several copies of these pages.
2. 2. Choose a Lao word to start with. I will be using “sabaidee” as an example. Note: I will not be including any Lao language written examples because I assume most of you don’t have Lao fonts installed.
3. Look at the first letter of “sabaidee,” an “s” sound. Trace this letter on your copies over and over. When you feel confident, try writing the letter on blank lined paper. This is more difficult than it sounds.
4. Do the same thing with all of the other letters and marks in “sabaidee.” Don’t worry if you can’t understand the function of each letter or mark.
5. When you have mastered the individual characters, write the word “sabaidee” over and over. And over. And over. Repetition is key.
6. Congratulations, now you can write Lao. Now move onto complete sentences. Whenever you encounter an unfamiliar character, repeat step 3.
7. When you learn a new word, write it down, preferably several times. This will help you remember it and tell you how to pronounce it, assuming you are also learning to read Lao.

Note: When writing Lao, I find it helpful to use every other line on a sheet of paper because of the all the vowels and tone markers that go above and below letters.

Next time I will describe how I learned to read.

I’ve been working hard to build this new site and it’s about 80% there.  Here’s a guide that will hopefully get you as excited as I am.

What’s New:

• New layout (obviously)
• Navigation bar on top containing new areas of the site.
• Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) section
• “Interesting Correspondence” section containing emails I’ve gotten and replies I’ve sent
• “Laos Basics” section with information for newbies or people planning on traveling to Laos.  Stuff you won’t find in Lonely Planet
• “Random Writing” section with various things I’ve written that have nothing to do with Laos, travel, or anything else the site usually deals with.  Pure narcissism.
• LivingLaos.com group on Facebook. Take two seconds to click “become a fan” and spread the word.
• Kip Millionaires Facebook group.
• Share/Save feature after every post.  If you find a post informative or entertaining, you can bookmark it, email it to a friend, or share it via almost any social network with a single click.  Spread the word
• You can now leave audio or webcam comments.  There’s no good reason to have this, I just think it’s fucking cool.  These have to be approved like any other comment, so no cocks please.

Coming Soon:

• Articles specifically for travelers/tourists/visitors/whatever.  I want to make this site a resource for people visiting or living in Laos, not just a blog.
• Loads of maps.  Maps of the country as a whole, maps of cities and towns, maps of whatever I can find, all collected in one place.  I’ll have to link to these on other sites for copyright reasons
• Bar reviews
• Restaurant reviews
• Nightclub reviews
• Hotel reviews
• A feature that will allow you to browse hotels throughout Laos and then search all the major booking sites for the best price on rooms at a particular hotel.  So if you decide you want to stay at Don Chan Palace, you will be able to search 30+ sites to find the best price.  You would then book through hotels.com or whatever site was cheapest.  I’m very excited about this and hopefully it will save you guys a good deal of money
• Humorous or otherwise interesting photos I (or readers) take.

PLEASE give me feedback on the new site.  Let me know what you like, what you find helpful, what you hate, what you find confusing, or anything else.  If you think something is awful or needs to change, you won’t hurt my feelings by pointing it out.